There is a man in Marion, who for the last 20 or so odd years has been one of the most visible figures in the community.  He is loud.  He is obnoxious.  He is enigmatic.  He is…Chico.  To say that Chico has lost his marbles completely would be untrue.  To say that he had all of them to begin with would be speculation at best.  Chico is tall with jet black hair and a dark complexion.  His given name is Danny Cress, but its very rare that anyone ever calls him that.  I can only surmise that he aquired the nickname “Chico” because all of his peers just assumed he was Mexican.  There are very few hispanics in Marion and Chico resembles the sterotypical Mexican well enough, so this isn’t a completely unfair assessment.  Chico can be found every Friday night in the fall at the Marion High School football game; in town or out he’ll be there.  He’ll walk if he has to…in fact he’s been
known to walk as far as 50 miles toward the opposing team’s town before being picked up by someone passing by on their way to the game.

You should see him at the football games.  He is the biggest MSHS (Marion Senior High School) fan of all time.  Marion’s high school is called the “Scarlet
Hurricanes” and their uniforms are red and white.  Every year Chico will buy a red and white jersey with MSHS’s current running back or quarterback’s name on the back.  When I was in high school he sported a “Josh Crewey” jersey which he wore for two years.  On a side note, Chico has the most distinctive lisp I’ve ever heard.  Its hard to emmulate, but I know a few people who are spot on.  I find my version to be at least satisfactory.  If this was an audio book I would attempt to sound it out to you, however its not so i’ll be forced to attempt it on paper.  Lets see if this works….

“Joscsh Crewey broke hiscsh dad’scsh ruscshing record in two conscshecutive gamescsh.”  Imagine trying to talk not out of the front part of your mouth like most everyone else, but through the back, behind your wisdom teeth on both sides.  Come on, give it a try!  When you do this, lots of saliva builds up in the back corners of your mouth causing your “s’” to sound very watery and mushy.  Its like listening to Lou Holtz if he was retarted.

At the games he will pace the sidelines on the bleachers; trying to rally the team and also the fans.  Most of the time the team is terrible and no matter how amped Chico gets the boys, they still lose pretty handily, but occassionally it will work.  He will honestly scream until his brown face turns blue.  “Come on Marion!  We can’t let em beat our boyscsh!  They’re runnin’ all over our boyscsh!  Get you’re asscsheschs outta you’re chaircsh and yell for our boyscsh!”  Sometimes people will listen to him and start cheering more.  Most people know that he isn’t all there and just try to ignore him, but when you are there and see it in person its almost impossible to ignore.  Last year he broke his leg.  He was standing at the very top
of the bleachers when he noticed for whatever reason, the opposing team’s cheerleaders were on the Marion sideline doing a cheer.  This clearly enraged him and he took off sprinting down the bleachers toward the cheerleaders, screaming profanities at the top of his lungs.  Before he could reach the sideline he lost his footing and plowed down the last ten or so steps slamming into the fencing that seperates the bleachers from the field.  But in true fashion, as he was being taken from the scene in a stretcher he was yelling and cheering for Marion…..

Just like Booger, we’ll see more of Chico soon.